Now *That's* What I Call UGC

Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black:

Imagine a boot stamping on your face when you cry with hopes for a better World. That's what it felt like when I went about trying to actually use this pen. It mocked me. It shouted at me. It told me I was not worthy. In short, it jilted me.

...

I will still be ordering a new quill next week from a custom manufactory in Belgium, but this has been a fascinating jaunt into the future. Perhaps the pen might be more practical if some fins were attached to the sides.

...

I glanced down to my hand and there, humbly, sat the pen. I cannot reccomend this highly enough; indeed, I would say that it is the ultimate catalyst to enlightenment. Since I have owned this pen every word I have written has been like pure gold; my business ventures have prospered, my home life excelled and my pot plants flourished. Where, oh where, I hear you ask, can I purchase such a pen-sized piece of wonder? It is here, my friend, it is here.

and the coup de grace:

This Pen has been amazing, although not for its intended use, this pen has still lived up to its reputation as a solid performer.
I've used this pen to stab and kill 3 neighborhood dogs this week alone.
The pen retains its grip even when submerged in dog blood.
Thank You Amazon and Bic for creating such a useful pen!

(Via spot.)